I wonder if they have internet connections in prison.
I may find out soon enough. I am in danger of pulverising my youngest son.
Now bear in mind, in reading this, that two of the main features of his character are a) a tendency to get obsessive about things and b) a marked difficulty with the concept of “tact” or “subtlety”.
I signed the letter from school quite willingly when it arrived inviting my son to participate in a Science project. I declared myself willing for him to bring home a box of valuable scientific equipment, to support him in carrying out a few experiments at home, to ensure he returned the box and its contents safely on Monday morning. Let this be a lesson to me to check the small print even…. indeed, especially, on letters home from my son’s school.
I arrived home on Wednesday afternoon, accompanied by two rather special guests who were visiting for the afternoon from distant shores, to be greeted by said son crying “I am never going to eat anything from your fridge ever again – it’s unhygienic in there and I’ll get food poisoning”. Thank you, son. Apparently this science project (a really good one, in many ways, and presented really well) is funded by the Food Standards Agency. My son has to be a secret agent on the search for bugs. He has to examine my kitchen for hygiene standards. He’s measuring the temperature of my fridge – apparently a disgusting two degrees warmer than it should be (“which is against the law”, he informed me). He’s taking swabs of the work surfaces and chopping boards in the kitchen and testing them with a bug detector. He’s checking the cupboards for out of date foodstuffs, and the fridge for food incorrectly stored. He’s even taking a sample of the gunge underneath the stove and taking it back to school to analyse it under the microscope. That is, if he lives that long.
I have informed him that there’s something in our household far more dangerous than bacteria and far more to be feared……. ME, IF HE KEEPS ON LECTURING ME ABOUT THE STATE OF THE KITCHEN!