I preached, about two months ago, on how difficult we find it to trust that God knows what he’s doing.
How difficult it is, to trust that God knows what he’s doing!
Those niggles of doubt that must have God jumping up and down and shouting “For goodness sake, just trust me, will you!!!” You know, I can hear him shouting – it’s just so hard to let go of that knowledge that God sometimes answers “no” to our requests and it seems just asking for trouble to go totally banking on the answer being “yes”, just because you asked for something. It’s no wonder that I can’t concentrate on anything today and found sleep hard to come by last night.
But God certainly seems to be shouting “Just trust me” loud and firmly in my ear. Yesterday was a case in point. You know how sometimes, heaven forbid, your mind wanders during the readings? No, I’m sure you’ve never experienced that… and she adds hurriedly not that that ever really happens to me, of course. But there I was in church, waiting to do my Gospel reading after the Old Testament one and totally oblivious to the words from Isaiah – just engrossed in my “Lord, I don’t know whether to wait for a yes or a no from the school – what should I be feeling now?” turmoil. And suddenly a voice in my brain said “For Goodness Sake Smudgie, LISTEN TO THE BLINKING READING, WILL YOU!!!” (Goodness, I’ve just looked back at the lectionary to see what the reading was, and it wasn’t on the list – it was obviously chosen by the preacher for its pertinence to the service). And there was my reassurance – the words of Isaiah speaking straight to me in answer to my prayer.
And then today. Coincidence? God-incidence? Not sure. Another thing playing on my mind was that I didn’t know what the school report had said which had been sent from Tiddles’ previous school direct to the boarding school. I was fairly confident it would be influential, but in which direction? What had they said? In my rather dopey state this morning, I arrived home from school for lunch, only to realise that I’d left my keys in my classroom. How frustrating! So once we’d eaten, I took Tiddles along for the ride and returned to work to collect them. I was walking out through the foyer when I saw a visitor that I thought I recognised and we acknowledged one another. She asked how Tiddles was doing and the penny dropped – it was his former Head of Year Nine, the lovely teacher who had done her best for him while he was there and had filled in and sent the report off. She said straight away “I trust the form got there OK. I was honest, just as you said, but also said to them that it was my sincere belief that our school had not been right for him and that he would respond well to the environment at the boarding school and flourish there.” I could have kissed her! But for her to be there, and for me to need to go back to the school, both at the same time and just when I was needing to hear her say what she did?
So where does this leave me? Well, certainly still not daring to believe catagorically that he’ll get in, even before the letter arrives on the doormat. But beginning, just beginning, to realise that I do trust God to know what he’s doing. The indicators are that Tiddles will be offered a place, that we have reached out and grabbed the lifebuoy that God’s holding out to us and he’s not going to snatch it away from us; but if he is turned down I know, deep down, that God does know what he’s doing and will have a purpose for Tiddles and will bring it to fruition if we simply learn to trust him. “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”