Daily Archives: May 23, 2006

May you live in interesting times

I think that’s how the old Chinese curse goes, or something like it.
All I can say is that in a previous life I must have seriously upset a malicious Chinese person somehow!!!

I had my mother-son talk with Tiddles. We have established a few groundrules.. and also established a password on his part of my computer which, surprise surprise, he is not going to be told. Still, I suppose it was educational! He’s done again the homework that he’d spent those three hours on and, amazingly, it is far better than it was 😉

Smudgelet is now very nine. It’s amazing how he’s had yet another growth spurt. He even did something spontaneously kind the other day, which is quite worrying. He has done the most amazing drawing of the QE2 which I shall somehow have to scan and put online so that you can marvel appropriately at it.

Dad, meanwhile, is the source of much sad amusement and much anxiety at present. He’s certainly going downhill fast, although the Macmillan nurse feels that a bit of it may be reversable as he believes he’s having a toxic reaction to a new drug. He’s weak, hallucinating badly, and has become quite paranoid. The hallucinations are fun, the paranoia far from fun. The night before last, unable to leave him, I slept on the floor in the hallway outside his room. I say slept, I dozed lightly (though quite calmly and restfully, and I am convinced this is the strength that comes from all the people praying for me), interspersed with forays to round up the wild stallions that had somehow got into his room, to stick the unstuck, to stop that stupid woman playing her tambourine, and to shovel up all the sand and gravel from the hall. It was all rather surreal but nice to be able to reassure him and see him settle back to sleep… even if his snoring was rather loud! 😀

Not so pleasant last night or today, when he has become convinced that I no longer love him and am conspiring with my siblings, me as ringleader, to poison him. He cannot stand me near him, will hardly speak to me, shrugged me off when I touch him. He feels the same about my sister and the only one he trusts at all is my brother. He can’t wait for my brother to arrive from Scotland – the brother who was sitting with him drinking whisky last night after his long journey here! I feel a real traitor as we have had to ask the doctor for some sedation, both to calm Dad’s anxiety which is clearly visible – he is very very agitated – and to ensure a calmer night for us so that we have the strength and energy to cope well tomorrow. I am not looking forward to my brother going home on Friday.

Meanwhile my neighbour has died. He was a lovely man and leaves a widow who is one of the most grandmotherly ladies I know. The boys adore her. Well, to be honest, so do I. So another funeral to attend. 🙁

Goodness, sounds all misery and not much hope, doesn’t it? As a family the boys and I are focussing on next year’s summer holiday. The longed for trip to France. Oh, and my brother is doing sterling work on my central heating 😀