Sunshine and showers

I simply cannot get my head round things at the moment. We went in to the hospice this morning and what do you know… he’d just had a jacuzzi! I ask you – how could he possibly have been well enough to eat a bowl of porridge and be taken for a bath?
The best explanation for how he is at the moment is the way I talked to the children about it. It seems to be like those times when we’re really tired and desperately want to sleep but just don’t want to miss anything. He seems to drift into a dying state; unresponsive, delirious, eyes rolled into his head, sleeping deeply and barely breathing; then he seems to bring himself back to the surface and engage fully in life around him for fear of missing out or letting the life he loves go without a struggle. It will be a matter of time.
The children’s responses have been mixed. Smudgelet thinks deeply and is distraught, verbalising such adult feelings. Tiddles is refusing to think, but indicating his distress and insecurity by a reversion to his five-year-oldness, a developmental stage which is often irritating but especially so at the moment. But when we visited my father and the boys begged to be allowed to see him, it was Tiddles who entertained him with stories and Smudgelet who hung close to me and was unable to relax in his beloved grandad’s company.
For once I was glad of homework. This afternoon was delightful. Smudgelet merrily settled to doing some gardening with his Auntie while I concentrated with Tiddles on his homework – a much needed bonding activity and one that occupied both our minds and both our bodies. He is to do a project on a local river, following it from its source to the river mouth and sketching/photographing/describing key features as well as doing soil samples, measuring deepness etc. We are perfectly positioned with the most interesting of rivers to investigate. We had great fun, wading in the shallows and gathering our evidence, complete with a dead crab which showed very clearly that the river was tidal. And Tiddles was in his element.