Boo hoo

Someone has perpetrated a dastardly deed. Ooh, how I love the word “dastardly” – summons images of someone twirling a thin black moustache and uttering those fateful syllables “mwahahahaha”. But indeed it is true. Someone has clearly invaded my home during the night and squirted cavity wall insulation up my nose. Why else would my sinuses feel as though every molecule of space (can you have a molecule of space?) has been occupied with something which is slowly expanding? The glands in my neck are enlarged – just as they were for glandular fever – and tender to the touch, so please, if you’re planning to strangle me, could you wait until they’re a bit better so it won’t hurt so much. And my throat feels as though I’ve been snacking on barbed wire. I really fancy a bowl of icecream or some hot rice pudding, but I’ve given up all that sort of thing for Lent and somehow an apple doesn’t quite do the same trick for me.

At least I have a sanctuary to hide in. The Smudgelets are learning a lesson about trust as they have been banned from the lounge until Sunday. A 1:1 talk with each of them reveals that they have been running a bit of a racket, one of them spotting any money within easy reach and passing it quickly to the other one to hide. They have been using it to buy sweets at Music Centre on a regular basis – which explains why they were coming home saying “I only spent 15p of the money you gave me for tuck, mummy, as I didn’t want to overdo it with sweets and spoil my lunch, so you can have the rest of the change” to which I’d been responding, of course “You can keep the change and put it in your money box”! It aslo explains why their appetites have been considerably diminished on a Saturday. Tiddles continued oblivious to having done anything wrong. Not sure if he feels the same way now, though. When the car went into the garage to have the windscreen wipers done, his radio, his pride and joy, was in the front seat. When the car came home again, there was no radio to be found in there. “I can only imagine someone at the garage must have taken a fancy to it, Tiddles, and decided to take it for themselves.” His face was a treat – such anger that anyone would dare to purloin something of his. “Yes, I would go and challenge them about it, but then, I know you’re quite happy with the idea of stealing so they might as well just keep it, it doesn’t matter”. Indignant? He was indignation personified! “Would you rather I called the police, then? The thing is, if I call the police in about your radio, then I need to call them in about my money, too” Penny begins to drop. “Because the only difference between your stealing at that stealing is that the radio was stolen by a stranger who doesn’t care about you and my money was stolen by two people I love and trust and who I hope care about me”. Ouch! Maybe, after a bit of thinking time, I’ll get the radio out of my boot and return it to its rightful owner. Maybe.

But for tonight I think I might just curl up in a ball under my duvet after a nice hot soak in an olbas oil bath.

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