It was quite funny, really. I took time out today from my frantic avoidance of doing anything practical towards going away to go to church. I’m finding it really hard at the moment to settle to doing anything and I think I’ll be finding the bottle of St John’s Wort to help keep my spirits on an even keel for a while.. which isn’t really ideal when you’ve got a whole bungalow to sort out and clean ready for visitors on Saturday, to say nothing of bags to pack for our holiday and children to organise. But it’s one of the monthly “creative prayer” days at church and they were serving lunches so I thought it a good idea to foray forth as a family and visit the church for lunch.
The day was based around the idea of holiday – the need to have periods of rest and recouperation within our hectic lives… and lovely it was too. Perfect timing. But I had to giggle when I saw the heading over the area where cushions and seats and beanbags were gathered and gentle music playing…. “Come apart and rest”. I commented to my friend M that at the moment I was having enough of a job keeping myself together, without starting to come apart 🙂
But maybe that was precisely what God was saying to me at that moment – I just didn’t realise it at the time. It was tonight, when a good friend phoned to see how I was and she told me simply to let go and cry, that she was there for me and I didn’t have to put on a brave face. And suddenly I realised. I don’t have to put on a brave face with God either – I can simply “come apart” in God’s presence and He will give me rest.